I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
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