Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
