Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We are all done wearing pants today
i am craving dick and cupcakes
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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