if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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