the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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