I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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