Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
