I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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