there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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