my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
40s are totally the cure
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
