I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
