Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I will pee on everything he values.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
