I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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