I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
