Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
