He is such a slut. More and more my type.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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