Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
