I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
