1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
