Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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