i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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