it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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