While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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