he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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