Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
