i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
