I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
