Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
