My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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