oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
