wanna go halves on a baby?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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