I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
