He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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