I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
