I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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