Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
