hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
