I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
it's great music for shaving your balls
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
