Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
