I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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