Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
