please come you make the beer taste better
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
