We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just found a bag of teeth...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
