So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
