I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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