She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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