The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
