booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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