i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
