I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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