literally had 100 drinks last night.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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