dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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