im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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