Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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